Cats Mostly

Mmmm... I loved this episode when I saw it. I know I'm always talking about how busy my life is, but I still manage to watch about an hour of tv a week while I clean or wrap presents, or do some other mindless activity like that. My staples end up being the Office, Modern Family, or Fringe. Well..... I love this episode of Modern Family "Mother Tucker." In this episode, the stereotypical teen daughter breaks up with her stereotypical teen boyfriend, and starts going after her tutor. The clip below describes her little sister's reaction.... and I dedicate this to mine

Out of Place

Something's out of place, but what? Is it being here without my sweetheart? Or is it trying to adjust to not having a hectic schedule for once (I promise you forget how to unwind). Is it my credit card bill due at the end of the month (I changed my flight last minute without even blinking), is it that I left my room a disaster or that I'm going right to work when I land back on Tuesday? I just dunno.

Happy Holidays!

As normal, I am so excited for the Holiday season. This year will bring vacation, Christmas in NC, and has brought tons and tons of shopping. I have to admit, I feel kind of silly, but I jumped on the Black Friday band wagon this year and got myself quite a bit of new clothes. Now I just have to find the time to get rid of the ones I already had.

I can't think of having any downtime in the past month! Somehow I've been able to work, shop, clean, and start actually putting on make up every day. Let me tell you, there's a huge difference between having enough time to make a quilt in 2 weeks, and working 55 hours a week.

Branden and I are also talking about the future. I'm excited. We went ring shopping a couple of weeks ago, and I absolutely love what we found. Right now I'm working on finishing up the last of my Christmas wrapping, and getting things ready for my trip next week (5 days in NC). Should be good. Hopefully I'll get to write a little more at that point.

Also..... I found out that my wonderful Dad is getting me a camera for a Christmas/Graduation gift. Mine mysteriously broke in my purse during the 4th of July (probably part of the reason there haven't been many posts recently). I'm so excited. I had Molley and Bryce take a few photos of me for my mom for Christmas, and I think I've found the winning one. Hopefully there will be more beautiful photographs on here in the future.

If I don't make it to post before ..... Merry Christmas!

Derailed

Well, to be honest, my life has been pretty boring recently, but I haven't had much time to blog. Recently I've been working around 60 hours a week (that's 12 hours a day), and I've taken more time to play piano. I moved to the valley, and I'm finally starting to feel settled in. I won't pretend to promise that I'll start posting more, but it's still a hope. Good luck to everyone out there. I miss my regular contact with you through my blog!

Life-Long Dreams

Isn't it funny how we sometimes spend our whole lives wishing we could have accomplished something? That thing where you wish, if you lived a different life, you could have done? The funny thing that I've discovered, is that sometimes life gives you the opportunity to life those dreams without you even realizing it.As I was walking home this evening, I noticed one of the schooners sailing up the Hudson. It was beautiful. My mind slowly drifted back to the summer days of my childhood when my parents would take my sister and I to walk the quaint waterfront of Beaufort. Sometimes it was neat, other times it was torture--but we always had our favorite spots. There was the General Store. They sold toys, ice cream, fudge, t-shirts, and jewelry. It kind of had something for everyone, and I was enchanted by the idea of it resembling an old five and dime.Across from the General Store was the Dock House Restaurant. It overlooks Taylor's Creek, where boats meander through on their way to some lazy coastal destination; Carrot Island, where the wild horses roam; and the mooring field, where people anchor their boats as they travel up and down the intercoastal or sometimes stop just to hear the music from the dock house. The live music and the view were some of the reasons that my parents liked that particular restaurant, but my sister and I loved it just because of the trees beside it. Perfect climbing trees. Those two trees were close enough that my parents could watch us as they drunk in the atmosphere, but far enough away that we felt like we were free.
As I grew older, the variety of entertainment in Beaufort seemed to shrink. Soon trees and ice cream were not my number one motivator for a visit -- but my family continued to visit none the less. We would walk the expanse of the docks, gazing at the boats that would come through. North for the summer, south for the winter. One exception was the Lookout. She was a white catamaran with orange stripes, and made Beaufort her summer berth. I would see her both at the city docks and at Cape Lookout, where she could come right up on the shore and lower a ladder to let all of the customers off. I would watch the workers and think to myself -- now that's the kind of job I would to have when I'm a teenager.
Towards the end of my teenage years, I found the Lookout in another location. My grandparents moved to an island off the coast of Florida, and there the Lookout started coming in the winter. She would take her customers to Coconut Island, a small island made out of a sand bar, until it washed away about 4 years later. Like the island, I figured that my dreams of crewing a sailboat were over when I graduated from college and started working full time. And as I turned my gaze from the schooner on the Hudson and began my walk down the esplanade I realized that I'm living my dream.

America II

Talk about an experience! Recently I have been incredibly busy, and part of that is that aside from working full time, I'm also crewing the America II. For those of you who don't know the background on this beauty, she was built in 1987 while the United States was trying to win back the America's cup. I believe she made it all the way to the semi-finals that year. So look out for me on US 46.

In the City

Well, today almost feels like a dream. I know I haven't kept y'all updated, but that's for good reason. A week and a half ago I was asked if I would be willing to come to New York for training. It didn't hit how amazing this is until I was sitting in first class on the plan flying over the Statue of Liberty. I'm still in shock, but now, I have to get to bed so that I can get up for work in the morning. I'll update you on the specifics as soon as I get some decent time in front of my computer!

Good News

Last week, while at a friend's baseball game, I received a somewhat devastating phone call. My new manager called me to tell me that while the company has been receiving negative press, this will not be affecting my offer -- not that I hoped it would -- this was the good news. The bad news came in the form of finding out that while I was expecting to start work on May 3 (next Monday), my team was based in New York, and wouldn't be here until mid July. This would mean that I would have to find another interim job. As much as that disappointed me, I was happy to know that my manager will be one of the ladies who interviewed me, and I think that she is absolutely awesome. I can't wait to start work with her.

So, I had begun to start looking for a temp job, ceased the apartment/house hunt, and decided to settle here until the end of the summer. It just seemed a little strange to me that I was going to be staying put for another four months, especially when I had felt so strongly that I would not be here all summer. BUT then again... my apartment complex has an amazing pool, and no one can deny the joy at being told that you will get to play at the pool your last summer of school. And like I had begun the job hunt, I began the pool prep (workouts, shaving cream, new swimsuits, anti-cellulite lotion (I'll let you know if it works)).

The day after I got my new summer supplies squared away I got a phone call. It turned out to be my HR correspondent, and while I expected nothing other than a confirmation that I wouldn't be starting until July, he told me that my team is interested in having me come out to New York for training. Standard company-wide training is in New York in mid-July. So I knew that I'd be heading out there, but as the conversation continued, he told me that they were interested in having me come out to New York in mid-May. After looking over my schedule, we decided on May 10th as a start date.

I still have to wait a few days until we get my flights and housing set up, but I think I've been smiling for two days straight. I'm going to get to be in New York City for about three months for training. I am so excited. I know that the apartments for company-wide training are located in Manhattan, and I can't wait to find out where I'll be working and living. It kind of feels like something from a movie.

Graduation

I can now say that I am a college graduate! It is honestly a strange feeling. For a while I was thinking about how much better it would feel if I had attended classes my last semester, but I've realized that graduation is an awesome thing regardless of what you were doing your last semester. Just today I was looking at classes, but I know I can't take any because I'm going to be starting work soon. I am going to be a real adult. No more spending large amounts of time socializing with friends, no more spending entire afternoons quilting, no more spur of the moment vacations. This is going to be quite the change.

Moments

It's moments like this when I just love life. I'm a little worried about losing friends over my personal stresses that I've extended into friendships, but looking out my window, feeling the warm spring breeze flow through my curtains and listening to Tim McGraw, I know that moments like this are what I live for. I'll find someone to share moments like this with one day, but there are a few things I'm going to miss from moments like this in my past.

Election Day Clam Chowder

Ford Explorers

Bracelets

Good Summer Music

Motorcycles

Midnight Drink Runs

Grilled Food

Yoo Hoos

Pools

Kenny Chesney

Sunsets in Nevada

Mustangs

6th of July Fireworks

Catalina 22's

I Want

When life seems chaotic and disappointing, it's easy to become discouraged. But, even though there are some days that I'm hurt, and all I want to do is scowl at every creature that dares bug me, I'm drawn to the realization that today is the day to be the person that I want to be.

And I'm excited to know that I get to shape myself into the human being that I want to be.I want to be a woman who takes good care of herself. This means getting dressed before 2:00 in the afternoon like I do sometimes, and it means working out regularly and eating healthy. No more chocolate days where all I eat is cake.

I want to be gracious to those around me. To give thanks to those who help me and to spend my time helping and focusing on others. And actually write thank you notes for people who are awesome.

I want to be organized. I want to keep my room perfectly in order, keep my laundry caught up, and be punctual in everything I do.

I want to keep a budget. Make sure that I'm being responsible with my money and saving for a rainy day. ALWAYS keep expenditures less than income.

I want to take the time to enjoy nature (while fulfilling all of my responsibilities). I want to make sure that I take time away to go camping, or rock climbing, or sailing. Just do whatever to remember that God wants me to be joyful.

I want to take the time to study the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Yes, I read the scriptures, but I want to really study. To gain knowledge and understanding, and hopefully to be able to share that with others.

I want to be able to make the hard decisions in life, and to carry forward and onward without looking back. This is one things that I haven't been doing great recently, but I think I'm ready to finally do it.

I want to keep my commitments..... even if that's something as simple as sending an e-mail within an hour. I want to be someone that people know that they can always count on.

I want to keep my priorities in order, and I know, that as I live with a focus on the teachings of Jesus Christ, I'll be able to do that. And my priorities will make more sense.

And I want to be a better person tomorrow than I was today.

First Few Blossoms

Sometime in the past week, I noticed what I've been looking for:

The trees are finally starting to blossom. The weather is warming up, and I've already spent some time on a motorcycle. And, although I'm mourning my lack of sailing this season, I'm really very thankful for this simple sign of hope.

Yesterday I went to a park to enjoy the warmth of the sun, and as I laid on my blanket, I looked up at the pretty white blossoms of a tree. If I was quiet enough I could hear the three bees buzzing around it, and the bird that kept flying around behind me. It was so pretty, and I'm so thankful that God gave that moment to me. The intricate balance of nature is amazing and the beautiful blue sky against the pretty white flowers with little green and pink in their centers caught me in awe.

And I couldn't help but feel hopeful for the future. I don't know exactly what it holds, but as spring is a time for new beginnings (Birthday, Graduation, Moving, New Job), it's quite appropriate. For even as the snows of winter melt away to reveal the beauty of new blossoms with time, things will look up. Keep going. Because, although things may get tougher before they get better--they WILL get better.

HOPE

Excitement!

I am so excited!

It was just last night that I started counting the days until major events in my life, and this phase is quickly coming to a close. Next week is my birthday. Two weeks from now is my graduation, and I start work three or four weeks from now.

I can't believe it's coming so quickly. I haven't decided on a place to live yet. I'm still waiting to hear about some work assignments, but once I do, I'll get to sign a lease and move up towards Salt Lake. This is absolutely exciting! I can't wait. (Though, if I don't move right away, I'll have to leave my apartment at 5:30 every morning!)

Oh! The Places You'll Go!

I read this with a friend today, and it felt quite appropriate for my blog, because "today is [my] day" in honor of my upcoming graduation. I kind of feel like I'm in the "Slump" right now, but at least my name isn't "Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea." And, boy am I excited about the places I'll go; I can't wait to get on my way!

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!
by the incomparable Dr. Seuss

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.

You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.

You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

Kid, you’ll move mountains!
So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!

Without Water

I really do feel like a sailor stuck in the desert, now more than ever. This feeling comes for many reasons. One of them being that I'm tired of fighting so hard, and things don't really seem to be getting much better.Personally, I survive on my friendships, and I hate the way things are awkward now. I don't know which direction to move. I keep trying to take a step forward, but then my foot gets stuck in quicksand, and I have to reevaluate the situation with each step. It feels like I'm sinking rather than progressing. At this point, I find comfort in knowing that I can just try my best to be the person that I want to be, and then keep my actions in line with that person, and pray that the Lord will lead me.

From the looks of it, the BYU Sailing Club has seen some of its last days. There's a new regulation on clubs this year, and ours doesn't seem to have passed. I don't want to take this without a fight. It was the BYU Sailing Club that gave me some of my best college memories, and it was my leadership experience with the club that got me my job. I'm so thankful that I had the opportunity to come into a club that was so dependent on its student leaders. It was great. Anything that we wanted to do was possible. That meant trips to sail in southern waters when it was too cold here. It meant parties to celebrate 10 years of successful sailing. It meant races to challenge the skills of the students. It meant new regulations as desired by students to meet the changing needs of the club. This club was a big part of what made my college experience great, and it's quite painful watching it go down.

Crazy few weeks

For those of you who don't know....

My life has become a bit complicated. My relationships with my two best friends has become strained. And while I usually just love life, there have been times where I can't even stand knowing that I'm the reason that my friends now have complicated lives as well.

It has been a crazy few weeks. BUT -- I have to say that even with all the heartache and frustration, I'm thankful for the opportunities that I have to learn from it.

This is why my blog has not been updated. This is why I don't know what's appropriate to put on my blog and what's not, and this is why it'll be a little while before I add any significant updates.

I'll keep you updated--once I can think clearly enough to write.

Dreams...

It's hard letting go of dreams. I just read through some posts that my friends have written recently, and it made my mind go forward--imagining what my life will be like in the future when I'm married and beginning to have kids. I can honestly say that it makes me sad knowing that I won't be sharing those things with Branden. This has been a really tough step for me. I love him, but I honestly believe that (for now at the very least) it's better that he and I are just friends. It's been hard coming to terms with the fact that I won't be there with him through life's ups and downs, and that it won't be him who holds my hand through the major events in my life. I suppose this is just another important part of life though...holding my head high and trying to do what's right even when it's tough.

Video Logs

I just got back from a nice long trip to Washington and California. I'll write more about it later, but for now, here are my video logs that I did while I was in California. Please forgive the awkward endings to each one. I never know how to end them.

California Video Log Day 1


California Video Log Day 2


California Day 2: Crazy People Swimming


California Day 3: Before Surfing


California Day 3: After Surfing



California Day 4 Won't Load

California Day 5

First semester without school...

Well, I know that I've been absent this past month, but there is a good reason for that... turns out that when I'm not in school, I don't spend so much time avoiding stuff that I have to or should be doing, and I don't seem to have as much time for following or writing blogs. In this past month, I've been spending a ridiculous amount of time with friends, I've re-watched the first season of LOST, and I'm working my internship. If you want to see what I've been up to, check out http://www.bighearthumanitarian.org/documents.php I wrote the newsletters for January and February. I write these to help the sponsors keep up with what's going on with the organization, with the children they sponsor in Guatemala, and with a sponsor of the month.

I'm working on getting things really moving with the organization, and I'm thankful that I'm getting this opportunity. Good news is that there will be some awesome posts about my travels that I'm going on in February. It's been a lot of work getting ready for them.

Fun New Opportunities

This month has been a fun one! I love getting good photos to use, and I enjoy goofing off in front of a camera. One of my friends is a photography student at BYU, and one of my old roommates is a hair and makeup artist. And while I never expected to do any modeling for them, I got the chance in January. I'm learning a lot about hair and makeup with these.

My first photo shoot was with Andrew. We picked outfits that would go along with the props he had picked out, and many of those were my formal dresses. I love the photos that he took. I will also say, that getting to see all of the photos is giving me a great idea of how to do better hair and makeup. Andrew is absolutely one of the most patient people that I've ever met, and it's fun to work with him. Most of everything he does is for class projects at this point, which means that most of the retouching he does is for specific class assignments.

The second photo shoot was for a bridal show. Lyn Shelley, my old roommate, partnered with James Zink. The whole idea is to improve the quality of pictures with makeup, and to encourage people to get their makeup done. Lyn does an AMAZING job! Here are some of the photos from the shoot:'

Interesting...

So, while I was looking up the phone number and location for the BYU dry-cleaning, I found this little gem. It was an interesting read. There are just about 40 posts, and it doesn't look like it's been updated in about a year and a half. It's a collection of little known facts relative to BYU students. Check it out.

http://byusecrets.blogspot.com/

The Challenge

I think we all face it sometime. It eats away at us, and makes us squirm as we look for either justification or a scape goat. In one form or another, we all struggle with it -- the challenge to get over our insecurities that we create by comparing ourselves to others.

I have found myself dangerously close to the doorway to this challenge far too many times recently. I feel like with 2009 winding down I couldn't help but consider the state I thought I'd be in by 11:59 pm on December 31. Marriage has totally evaded me. I had tried to do everything right. I found a man that I loved, and that I didn't want to live without, and who said the same things about me. I spent years of my time and energy dating him through college and slowly letting the relationship develop. He was a good man, with strong morals, who I not only respected but loved immensely, and since he seemed to feel the same way I did, I justified sticking with him -- because, of course, if you are going to be getting married, you better know the man you're with.

I look around, and I see more and more of my friends getting married. I find myself looking in awe as I make up some reason why I'm better than they are, and why I deserve it more. The plain fact is that I'm not, and I don't.

I'm not any better than any other human being on the face of this planet.

We're all the same, and that's a divine fact. Yes, some people are prettier than others or more righteous than others, and some people are harder workers than others, but in Gods eyes, all people deserve His love. In any case, this is a diversion from my topic.

I'm not any better than the other women who wanders the streets of Provo hoping to live up to the righteous expectations placed on them by this rather marriage-obsessed BYU culture. My hard work is no less important than theirs, and although the work may not be equal, it is equitable.

The New Mixer

Today was the maiden voyage of my mixer. I'm really happy. It's a little awkward adding ingredients, but it can mix everything faster than I can get it in there. It's amazing! I tried making my famous brownies, and it didn't even hiccup, but ... then again ... I accidentally doubled the eggs.