The Challenge

I think we all face it sometime. It eats away at us, and makes us squirm as we look for either justification or a scape goat. In one form or another, we all struggle with it -- the challenge to get over our insecurities that we create by comparing ourselves to others.

I have found myself dangerously close to the doorway to this challenge far too many times recently. I feel like with 2009 winding down I couldn't help but consider the state I thought I'd be in by 11:59 pm on December 31. Marriage has totally evaded me. I had tried to do everything right. I found a man that I loved, and that I didn't want to live without, and who said the same things about me. I spent years of my time and energy dating him through college and slowly letting the relationship develop. He was a good man, with strong morals, who I not only respected but loved immensely, and since he seemed to feel the same way I did, I justified sticking with him -- because, of course, if you are going to be getting married, you better know the man you're with.

I look around, and I see more and more of my friends getting married. I find myself looking in awe as I make up some reason why I'm better than they are, and why I deserve it more. The plain fact is that I'm not, and I don't.

I'm not any better than any other human being on the face of this planet.

We're all the same, and that's a divine fact. Yes, some people are prettier than others or more righteous than others, and some people are harder workers than others, but in Gods eyes, all people deserve His love. In any case, this is a diversion from my topic.

I'm not any better than the other women who wanders the streets of Provo hoping to live up to the righteous expectations placed on them by this rather marriage-obsessed BYU culture. My hard work is no less important than theirs, and although the work may not be equal, it is equitable.

The New Mixer

Today was the maiden voyage of my mixer. I'm really happy. It's a little awkward adding ingredients, but it can mix everything faster than I can get it in there. It's amazing! I tried making my famous brownies, and it didn't even hiccup, but ... then again ... I accidentally doubled the eggs.