Growing up.

{Life takes you down roads that you never thought you'd be on.}

And I'm only now beginning to appreciate that. I am NOT where I thought I'd be with only 2 months of classes left.

Yesterday I went to go find the office of a company that I'm interviewing with this week. It's up in Salt Lake, close to where the belt route meets with the highway that goes into the canyon. I live on the other side of that canyon highway. The drive over there felt different than it does here in Provo. In part it was because there were more trees, in part it's because it was more developed, in part it felt like a city with a university in it (it was really close to part of the U's campus). But sure enough I felt more at home over there. Even Amy mentioned that it felt/looked a little more like North Carolina. We grew up in Raleigh, and I still love it. It really may have only been the warm colored leaves that are still hanging to the trees, but I'm so excited for this part of my life. I'm learning that I love interviewing. I love the anticipation of my "future." All of my schooling has lead up to this. In just a matter of months I will consider myself a self-supporting, full-grown adult. It feels different. I feel different. Instead of driving to class every day, I'll be driving to work. Instead of living in student housing, I'll find a place with some friends, or even get my own and find roommates. Instead of working a part time job to try to scratch the surface of my tuition, I'll be working a full time job and building a career. It's exciting and wonderful, even though it's not what I thought would be going on in my life right now.

• I thought I'd travel to South America while I was in college to do humanitarian aid. I wanted to teach English and see how people lived. I wanted to practice my Spanish and have a new adventure so I could take tons of pictures and show them to anyone interested in a lifestyle different from their own. As I tried to make myself "marryable" I put this experience off, until it was near impossible to fit into my college years. While I may still travel to South America to teach people employment skills, I've started exploring a new option.

I never expected that I'd get the chance to apply for an internship in Mexico. This is an internship that could give me the skills and experience that I want to build on as I pursue a career in the United States. I want to live in the US, but I also think it's crucial to understand how an office works abroad if you're going to be working for an international company.

• I thought I'd be married. So many things in my life pointed to that. The funny thing is, just over two years ago, I was preparing myself with the mindset that I would graduate single. Life convinced me otherwise, and I was delighted. I started preparing for the wedding, and trying to adjust my habits so I would be a more suitable spouse. I learned to keep things tidy. I learned to schedule time to cook meals and time to eat them while I still fulfilled my other commitments. I learned to be on time to things, so I wasn't inconsiderate of other people's time and so that my actions wouldn't reflect negatively on someone else. At the beginning of this semester, as a once again single girl, I felt like I had somehow failed. I would look at the sparkly rings on the left hands of the women in my classes, and even the simple bands on the left hands of the men, and I felt sorry for myself. To me, the wedding rings were symbols of acceptance, success, love, and achievement. I wanted to be married before my time ran out. The thought of graduating single scared me to death.

I never expected that I would grow up so much. I'm looking at graduating single with no romantic relationship in my life. And now I'm ok with that. In fact, I'm thankful. I had no idea how much time job searching would take (I couldn't imagine trying to plan a wedding now), and I'm glad that I get to look for and start a job. I'll get to pay off my student loans. I get to feel secure without having to depend on someone else. It doesn't mean that I don't want a family one day, but I don't know that I'd be as motivated to find a good job if I had one. I'm just thankful for the opportunities and motivation that I have now as a result of being single--not to mention that my attempts to learn the skills which would make me a good spouse have blessed my life. I'm actually GLAD that I'm more organized and punctual. I love who I am now.

• I thought that if I was single at 21 I'd be going on a mission for my church. I always wanted to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and to focus my life on learning about and serving Him. Going on a mission would be the perfect opportunity to do this.

I never thought that I would be applying for a job and finding major ways to serve the Lord every day. I'm not on a mission now, and somehow, I feel like it isn't what Heavenly Father wants me to do right now. I am in a leadership position in my church, and I can use this opportunity to serve those around me without putting my life on hold. If I continue to spend time every day in the service of my neighbors and friends, and I continue this pattern throughout my life, I can do so much good and have a lasting impact. I'm moving towards my future, and I feel like I'm building a great foundation for my future family.

• I thought I'd find a job out of state and move out of Utah as soon as I graduated. I still miss the beach.
  

I never expected that I'd want to find a job and settle down here. But now, I want to be in Utah while my little sister is here, where my friends are, where my job leads are, and where my life is. I hope that I'll meet new friends, and not have to uproot myself from my life. I do still miss the beach, but I'm only 14 hrs away, and maybe I can even buy myself a sailboat and drop it in the Great Salt Lake while I'm here. While I hope to live in NC or FL again one day, that may just have to wait for retirement (or maybe grad school).

As surprising as life is, I'm very happy with the way mine is going.